lots happening

Hello, beautiful humans!

i am writing this at my desk as i am uploading the latest video for the ALBOE channel. things have been goood and bad. lets start with good, becuase why not?

I am in school, i am enjoying it, classes are 7 hours a day 4 days a week. althought i am tired from studying and the mental strain. i see it as a good thing.

I am in the process if thinking about getting a pet. i would adopt. likely a cat. Would be good company for me. help with my mental health. i am working with both of my doctors to change 2 of my medications while i am in school to help with some fatigue and overall motovation. i have been trying to get outside for a walk att he bare minimum of every second day-this has been going well.

My iron levels ferratin specifically is back to normal, saturation is stilll high. My anxiety leves have gone up since starting school, i expected this. My depression level has gone up (bad) as i feel tired from the extra mental strain of school. I still have the drive to start the day and do things i just want to have that extra “get up and go” in my bones. lately sitting and watching youtube has been what i feel like doing. when i could be batch cooking or studying. As i said above i am working with my doctors to help this situation.

The bad, I dont have an income. I am getting assistance from the government every month via student loans which i will have to pay back in a years time. My parents are helping me out tremendously and i am forever greatful to have that option and the support. Love you both so much! Not suppporting myself bothers me. i do not like to count on others especially for finacial support, makes me feel like i am taking to much or taking advantage. i know i cannot do everything by myself. It is just hard to accept help. I said i would be getting a part time job, there is no time for a part-time job. When i am not studying/reading/in class i am batch cooking for lunches, paying bills, walking or trying to relax. i did have some extra spare time today so i am writing this, updaloed some new pictures for sale and a new video www.jhrenterprises.ca/prints. <—chack it out

I will 33 on the 29th and i am excited. New “year” new me, more to learn, experience, eat, drink and sleep.

this post comes to you with love and hope. If you are struggling with anything, at all. you are not alone. this is very important. People fight silent battles. instead of asking the next person how they that day, ask them if they are happy. see what kind of answer they give you.

Love you all!

A difficult several weeks

I found out i had high iron in my blood and my stores. i was feeling tires, draggy and didnt have much energy, still don’t.

I had a phone call appointment with my MD in May asking what i had changed in my diet that might be causing this. I said nothing that i could think of. After this conversation i stopped taking my AG1 supplement and stopped taking vitamin C as that help your body absorb iron. After 5 weeks of not feeling great from not taking any thing on a daily basis i had blood work done on the 2nd of July. My levels had gone down. Which is good. The other factor i had not thought of was our well water at the farm, To my parents knowledge they had never had it tested for the kinds of minerals it contained. I don’t drink the well water often but i was supplementing it is my water bottle every couple weeks. It has been about 2 weeks since i stopped drinking or cooking with any well water at all. According to the lab paperwork i need to have blood taken every 6 to 8 weeks until my iron and stores levels return to what is deemed as “good”. I will be happy if getting blood taken fixes this.

I am wanting to go back on either a multi-vitamin or start taking the Ag1 again as i felt better when i was on either of them, I do not want my iron levels to come back up. When i stopped taking AG1 i was supplementing in a tablet of of Emergen C every couple weeks for preventative measure of getting sick. I have not taken vitamin C for over a month and i just want to have some energy back.

I am taking the withania complex for anxiety and trintellix for depression, have also intoduced rodiola, it is supposed to have the same effects as consuming a cup of coffee in the morning (a stimulant) but without the shaky jitters and crash that i would experience from Coffee. I have not had a true cup of coffee in over 5 months, if i have coffee it is Decaf.

I start my move to the city in 3 weeks and start school in 7 weeks. I am excited and nervous, i still have to figure out some financial stuff and logistically organize the move into the building. I will be going on lots of walks and trying my very best to stay on a budget.

I will also be looking for a part-time job on weekends and depending on the homework load possibly evenings as well.

Would love to find something remote and work from home, customer support? doing house checks-would be preferable but i have to get clients first.

I hope everyone is doing okay and enjoying the summer thus far.

Until next time,

Be happy, I love you all!

A few days away

The past 2 weeks have been difficult. I have felt myself slipping into an ornery state, this is not fun. When this happens i can usually catch it. It means that I need some major alone time or to be closer to the hustle and bustle of a city, or both. I have had the last week off as it was raining for a week, we needed the moisture badly. Over the next few days I have appointments in the city, 3 per day until Wednesday. I am walking in a marathon tomorrow! i am excited and nervous more excited. I had a phone call with my doctor almost 2 weeks ago. I said i want more excitability in my life, passion, intrigue. I look forward to things but it seems my depression still takes over a little bit when i have something planned. I asked my doctor what he thought of my bumping my dose of the low mood medication i am on. I felt there was room for improvement i was taking a 5mg dose every day now i am on a 10 mg dose daily. i felt good on the 5 but there was still a lack of passion and drive curiosity even. Its like i have no “get up and get it” the fire in side me is starting to smoke, i want the flame back and for it to start crackling. I have been on the 10 mg dose for over a week now and i dont feel a different. Both my doctors said it takes up to 6 weeks to notice or feel a change. Patience is key with mental health, i dont want to rush anything, yes i want to feel like my old self but im not sure how to find that state of ambition again. I have to remember to take things slow, feeling good mentally is a process and im getting to where i think i should/want/like to be, but there is still room to grow. I also forgot that one of the side effects is nausea which is less than ideal. When i went to my MD for mental health help i told him if i was to go on something to help my situation i still wanted to feel. Have emotions, Be able to cry. Not be numbed. That is still what i am trying to avoid but there is a line i do not want to cross. I am on 2 medication and one natural supplement for ADHD, anxiety, and depression. I do not want to turn that into 5 or 6. The fact that it is the end of may and summer is just starting makes me very happy. I love the heat, i thrive in it. I always have this thought in my mind that i would be so happy as a surfer beach person, shorts, flipflops, no shirt, sunglasses and a sweat headband. Some where in California, Hawaii, Oregon or Vancouver Island. That will be a reality at some point. I am looking forward to walks by the river, trees in bloom, hot beach days, fishing, Golfing, cutting grass and whatever else this amazing summer season brings.

I will be starting to pack things up in a month and get ready for my next move. Lots of paperwork to come with that, purging a good chunk of the old and getting a few new things to help myself succeed in the coming years.

I hope everyone is having a great Saturday, enjoy the rest of the month and i will see you in the next update.

I love you all, remember you are an amazing person, give some a hug and tell them you love them.

James

A slow morning

I do my best to get up early, somewhere between 5:30 and 6:30 am. I feel more productive when I do. If i sleep in until 7:30 i find i am usually frustrated with myself for not getting the day started earlier. There are times when i need to sleep in. Over the years i have found i am not good day napper. I wake up mad that i have missed those hours in the day. In March i started taking a low mood medication to further help with my depression and anxiety. before the medication i was doing okay, but i had a love tolerance for being passive, i was not able to let things go or brush them off. I told my doctor i was able to get get up and do daily things but i don’t have the passion or excitability for much. I wanted that to change if it could. It has been just over 8 weeks on the Low mood medication. I feel like i am doing better, I find myself laughing at more things. willing to engage more with people in tense situations, when i would normally avoid them altogether. I went to concert on the 28th of April and i was looking forward to the live music but i wouldn’t say i was excited about the experience. I didn’t have the regular anxious nerves i thought i would which was a different feeling, it gave me more confidence to walk into a venue by myself. I am still on a mission to feel less tired than i do currently and to get more of an excited drive to my mentality. I want more of a passion for life.

I am walking the 10km Saskatchewan marathon this year, will be my first. I got a job on the 19th of April. Out of the past almost 3 weeks i have been on the road for 12 days. I am enjoying it. I haven’t had much time to train for the event but last Saturday i walked 7 km very easily. which made me happy.

In the next 2 1/2 months, when i am not working i will be doing as much of the following as time and money permit.

Camping/testing out my new Home-more info on this coming in the next 2 weeks.

Kayaking, Trips to the city, appointments, yardwork, cutting grass, Admin stuff for my company, slowly packing up to move again, prepping to go back to school, saving as much money as i can.

I have decided it will be necessary to work at least part-time on weekend while i am back in school. I will try to find something remote i can do, and try to still work for the company i do now when i am available.

I am going to try to see and visit as much family over the next 18 months as possible. I have neglected extended family for nearly 2 years. When my depression was at its worst i didn’t want to see anyone, as i felt an obligation to explain how i was doing and what was happening. I didn’t want to put on my mask and pretend i was okay because i wasn’t. at the same time the energy it would have taken to explain what was happening, the fact that i needed help and didn’t know how to ask for it and what to do about it did not seem worthy of the energy expulsion. I just didn’t have the energy in the first place.

Not that i feel i need to apologize, i cannot get that time back. I needed that period of time to help myself and i have done 80% of the work. That work will forever continue, but i feel the pull to interact and connect with everyone again so that is what i am going to do, slowly of course, i am an introvert so i do need time to restore and replenish.

That is all for this update, i am going to water my plants and flowers, go for a walk and help my dad shovel out some grain bins.

I hope you are all doing well. If you are going through a hard time please know you are not alone. i have a recourses page for people and companies that have helped me over the years under the ALBOE page of this website. check it out. I love you all. and if you are reading this blog update, thank you, i enjoy writing and that fact that you read this makes you a wonderfully beautiful human being.

I love you all

James

A Few new things

I have been a daily dose of Vyavance for ADHD for 13 months now. Helps keep me centered and in a space of self reflection which is good. I started on a light dose of a low mood/anxiety/anti-depressant at the beginning of March. My health care professionals told me it would take 6 weeks for me to fully feel/notice the effects. I find I am able to tolerate more, I don’t get frustrated as quickly or as easy. I have been looking for a job since late August last year. After I went on leave from my previous job; I Sold my property, Packed up my life and moved Back to my family farm, Applied for disability Got denied, house sat, applied for EI, applied for WCB, got denied with WCB, got approved for EI on Sick leave in January (have not gotten anything from EI Yet), applied for 3 different programs at educational institutions-summing $500 in application fees. Went on 2 road trips to look at buses, went on another 2 road trips to look at truck campers. Spent $1000 on gas doing so. Bought a truck camper. House sat, Resigned from my job, applied for personal health benefits. Watched Dune Part II in theaters. Got accepted into an IT program in Saskatoon. Applied for over 300 jobs, in office, hybrid, and remote. fixed computers and cried a lot. Encompassed in all the above-more paperwork and e-documents to sign than i care to talk more about. A busy 7 months.

Was i depressed? Yes, i was.

Have i been anxious? I sure have!

Have i had panic attacks? Not since last march.

Have i been stressed? yes, very much so.

Did i learn a lot? I absolutely did. Would i change anything? I would not. Am I forever thankful that i have a family to move back in with until i get back on feet? More than i could ever put into words.

I am currently sitting at our kitchen table watching a blizzard on April 18th at 6pm. what a day!

I thought about adding a section under my story to add to that section but i didnt want to take away from the authenticity of what i wrote there, Im not sure how often i will publish these but i find writing soothing, if helps me process things when i am stuck. It may be once a month, once a week. im not sure. As things change and develope in my life i will write them as i see fit and time allows.

I have added an amazon shop section of various products that i use, if you use one of the links i think i get a miniscual commision, but hey every 5cents helps :)

I hope everyone is have a good week,

Stay excellent,

Love James